Let’s talk about holidays with hoarders and how they differ from what you might imagine when you think of a “normal” family holiday. 

Let’s Get Real

This was my normal: 

1. In our house, there was no gathering around the dining room table for Christmas dinner, because the table and all of the chairs were full of papers, books, and objects.
2. The kitchen was crowded, with no room for cooking a large meal or baking tray after tray of cookies. (In some hoarders’ homes, the stove may be covered with paper and other things that make it extremely dangerous, or at the very least difficult, to cook a turkey and all the trimmings.)
3. We had to open our gifts carefully, gingerly peeling off the Scotch tape so we would not tear the wrapping paper. The gift-wrap and bows had to be saved.
4. After I had moved out and gotten married, there was never room to stay in the house with the family on visits home. My old bedroom had crowded me out with clothes, dolls, papers, and assorted items.
5. The artificial Christmas tree didn’t come down until July at the earliest. 

I share these examples simply to illustrate that every family is unique. 

The “Perfect Christmas” Myth

I believe it’s important to discuss this now, when we’re all bombarded with Hallmark movies, Norman Rockwell images, picture-perfect Instagram holiday scenes, and TV commercials portraying the ideal Christmas / Hanukkah / Kwanzaa / Festivus scenarios. 

We are constantly being shown and told how we are supposed to be celebrating and what our families are supposed to be like. 

There are usually one or two hilariously dysfunctional families represented on TV or in the movies. However, they always manage to put aside their weirdness and find peace by gathering together around the dinner table or Christmas tree, usually in a beautifully decorated home.

If this isn’t your experience—regardless of whether you’re a hoarder or not—you might feel left out. You may think you’re the only one who doesn’t experience that sort of magical holiday full of perfect, Martha Stewart-approved “good things.” That sense of being different can eat away at you, creating a lonely ache that constantly makes you aware you’re not like everybody else.

The Reality

Join the club. The club of many, many, many people who don’t have a stereotypically, universally perfect celebration. There’s no such thing.  

You should know and be liberated by this fact: You are free to create your own traditions and have holiday fun in your own way. 

You can tell the world, “Kiss my grits! I eat microwaveable vegan broccoli tart for Christmas whilst sitting on my couch in my undies watching reruns of ‘Alice’ and it is THE BEST.” And no one can say you’re wrong.

You Be You, Sugar Plum

So enjoy the holiday entertainments for what they are, get misty at sappy commercials that tug at your heartstrings, and marvel over someone’s decorating prowess. 

And while you’re doing that, go create your own activities or traditions that have meaning for you and that get you into the spirit of generosity, reflection, spirituality, goodwill, benevolence, snowball fights, sweet potato pie…whatever the season means to you. 

Maybe invite your hoarder friends to join you. They’ll appreciate it. (Review the list of Gift Ideas for Hoarders for inspiration.) 

Hope and joy and unique holiday spirit,

Rachel 

Warning: Silver Lining Ahead

Because I’m a Pollyanna type who is determined to make the best of any situation, please indulge me as I explain the positive aspects of the examples mentioned above that used to make me feel abnormal in ye olden days: 

1. We traveled to see our relatives each year, which provided an escape from the hoard and a chance to bond with each other on a long road trip adventure. Cheese balls were eaten, Dolly Parton songs were sung, and much fun was had. Hooray for extended family members with clean houses!
2. We were able to share meals together at the homes of relatives and, in later years, with my in-laws. (Many groceries and restaurants have ready-made Christmas spreads that you can purchase and pick up. That means less hassle and no cooking on a crowded stove. Restaurants like Golden Corral, Waffle House, and quite a few others are also open on holidays for people who want to or have to go out to eat.) 
3. We were fortunate enough to have gifts. The painstaking gift-wrap removal also gave me a visceral appreciation for one of my modern traditions, which is to rip my gifts open with wild abandon. 
4. For some of the visits home, my husband and I found a cool little B&B that provided clean rooms, delicious home-cooked food, and interesting conversations with new people. We also had a sanctuary where we could have some quiet time away from the family and watch awesomely terrible movies with one of our best friends.  
5. The tree gave a festive feel to the house, even though the decorations were out of season. (Hey, the Cracker Barrel has their Christmas stuff out almost year-round. What’s their excuse?)