In case you had any doubt, I love my family, y’all. This blog is not to cast aspersions on them. This whole exercise is to share some insight that I picked up along the way about hoarding and one’s relationship to one’s things.

You see, I know I’m partly responsible for the state of our house. We all had some habits that unwittingly contributed to a much bigger problem.

Can’t See the Hoarding Forest for the Trees

When you’re focused on the little bits and pieces that are sparkly and special, it’s easy for the big, ominous picture to stay blurry. 

We didn’t have blinders on so much as we were all a bit nearsighted when it came to possessions. Which is fitting because we literally are nearsighted and also read beaucoup books, so literally we were becoming more nearsighted thanks in part to our literary passions. And we lived in a literal maze of literary works, with thousands upon thousands of books in the house.

But I digress.

When it comes to stuff and things and objects and goodies, you have to be aware of both the near-term cause and the long-term effect. You can’t afford to focus only on one or the other.

Too nearsighted and you wind up in our kind of pickle: way too many items for your space. (Nearsighted = You see only the fascinating item right in front of you and don’t visualize it in your already hoarded home with the 50,000 other fascinating items you had to have.)

Too farsighted, and you never get or keep anything that gives you pleasure because you’re terrified of becoming inundated with stuff. (Farsighted = You see the potential negative end result of over-accumulation and therefore deprive yourself of acquiring anything, even if it brings joy or beauty to your life.)

Check Yourself Before You Wreck Yourself

Fire up the cliche machine, because it is time to churn out an “age-old, so oft-repeated that you’re sick of hearing it but I don’t care because it honestly is true and maybe you need to hear it one more time for it to really hit home” nugget o’ wisdom:

You must have moderation in all things. 

Too few items for your soul’s liking (and that’s a different amount for each person), and you can wind up with a scarcity mindset.

Too many, and you wind up risking not only your own physical and mental health but also those of the people you care about. Not to mention affecting your relationships and seriously cramping your style.

The Benefits of Balance

When you have a manageable number of possessions, you can breathe more easily. Quite literally, because you don’t have as much crap to gather dust or to decay and deteriorate if it’s neglected and buried under other objects.

Your mind also feels less cluttered because you don’t have as much visual noise bombarding your brain. Our poor brains can only process so much information and stimulus at any given time. When you’ve got thousands of objects clamoring for your attention, it’s nearly impossible for any one item to hold your interest for long.

It’s difficult to concentrate and complete tasks, because you’re more likely to wander into another room, get distracted when you see another unfinished project from your to-do list, and forget your original mission.

When you limit the amount of items you have, you can appreciate them and their unique qualities far more. Instead of being covered in dust or rendered invisible by having to compete with so many other items, a cherished possession can take center stage and receive your admiration and undivided attention.

How Does Your Stuff Make You Feel? 

As Marie Kondo writes in The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up, “Everything you own wants to be of use to you.” She also advises to get rid of things that don’t spark joy in you anymore.

If an item’s only function in your home is to take up space and make you feel unhappy, crowded, ashamed, guilty, or distracted, that’s a pretty shitty function, right? 

You deserve better.    

Think about the objects you have in your personal space right now. Do any of them make you unhappy? Do you have some about which you feel totally “meh”? If so, show those things the door and breathe easy, my friend.

If You’re More on the Hoarder End of the Stuff Spectrum

If letting go of objects is easier said than done for you, there are ways to work through that discomfort, fear, and emotional pain in order to make your home more comfortable and safe.

I found Digging Out: Helping Your Loved One Manage Clutter, Hoarding, and Compulsive Acquiring by Dr. Michael A. Tompkins and Dr. Tamara L. Hartl to be immensely helpful in learning about harm reduction techniques. The book is full of practical advice on how to create a plan and work with your family member or friend on their hoarding syndrome.

I was able to practice some of their recommended harm reduction skills while Mom was still alive without being too invasive or declaring dominion over her possessions. After all, I wouldn’t appreciate it if someone did that to me, even if they had good intentions and wanted to help.

It stinks to have someone treat you as though your opinion and feelings are irrelevant, especially when you’re a grown-ass adult. 

That’s true for hoarders and non-hoarders alike.

Hope and joy,

Rachel