How to Shop for Someone Who Has Everything, Literally 

It’s Black Friday, which means you may be in a shopping mood, so I wanted to share a list of gift ideas for the hoarder in your life. 

The last time I did a holiday gift guide list for hoarders, we weren’t in the era of coronavirus, so I’ve updated it to remove some of the activities on my original list that are currently limited by social-distancing requirements. 

Be Conscious about What You Buy

Now, you may have started reading this thinking about how you’re going to help your friend or family member with hoarding tendencies be a more conscious consumer, but you can also do some things to be a more conscious shopper. 

For example, if you do plan to purchase a gift, consider buying from a Black-owned business. Beyoncé’s The Black Parade Route is an extensive directory of Black-owned businesses that offer everything from art, design, and fashion to services, food, and more. There’s also this list of 180 Black-owned Businesses to Support, or you can simply do an internet search for Black-owned businesses in your town. If your hoarding friend is more of a foodie, how about using a free app like EatOkra to find Black-owned restaurants and eateries that are local to your friend’s area and that may have delivery, take-out, gift cards, and other options? 

Etsy is another great option where you can find zillions of handmade items from small businesses and artisans or you can shop sustainably by getting cool pre-owned gifts and vintage clothes. 

Alternatively, Don’t Buy Anything At All

If you’re a craftsy type who has spent 2020 learning how to knit, bake, or make your own beauty treatments, this is your time to shine. Use your newfound skills to create something edible or usable, i.e. a “disappearing gift” that won’t take up space or create angst for your loved one about having to hang onto it forever. 

Self-Care Product Recipes

I like to make an easy-peasy lotion using this sorta DIY recipe from One Good Thing as the base, and I tweak it depending on what scent I want to use and whether I’d like it to be a thicker body butter that I can keep in a jar or a thinner lotion to store in a squeeze bottle. (Some of my friends reading this may even recognize it as a gift they’ve gotten in years past.) 🙂  

Because I’ve got self-care and dry skin on my mind, apparently, here are some other homemade beauty recipes, courtesy of other talented bloggers, that I’ve got on my list to make:

13 Simple Exfoliating Face Scrubs

DIY Winter Bliss Lotion Bars (Great for Dry Skin!) 

Homemade Glycerin Lotion for Face & Body

How to Make Natural Lotion Bars (Recipe + Variations)

Luxurious Homemade Lotion Recipe

Luxurious Sugar Scrub Recipe for Silky Smooth Skin

Maple Syrup Lip Balm

Hoarder Holiday Considerations

Holidays can be tricky for hoarders. There’s an emphasis on giving and receiving gifts, plus there’s an abundance of cards, colorful wrapping paper, and other trappings that are easy to sentimentalize and justify keeping. 

Holidays are also tricky for the friends and family of people with hoarding tendencies. After all, you may want to express your affection with gifts, as is traditional, but you don’t want to make an already bad situation worse.

Fortunately, there are some creative ways to give something special to your loved one without adding too much to their hoard. Take a look at the ideas below before you start your shopping.

Gift Ideas

• Charitable donation in their name: Focus on the philanthropic nature of the holidays and give the gift of helping those who need it. Plus, your friend will get only a small certificate or piece of paper to acknowledge the donation, so you’re not adding a huge item to their hoard. 
• Consumables like food or candy: As long as your friend is the type who’ll actually eat the food instead of hoarding it, this is a safe bet.
• Gift cards for restaurants: Many of us are eating a lot of take-out these days, so a gift card can help ease the cost. Plus, restaurants are places where your loved one isn’t likely to find a tempting souvenir shop, especially if they get delivery.    
• Homemade coupon booklet of free or inexpensive things to do together: Weekly video meet-up with the family, daily socially distanced nature walk, 1 fishing trip, etc. Have fun pasting in pictures and stickers or creating your own doodles to decorate the booklet.
• Virtual yoga class membership: Be their exercise buddy and get healthy together online. Plenty of yoga studios offer affordable month-to-month memberships or small packages of classes to purchase, usually with a holiday or New Year’s discount. 
• Digital picture frame: Load it up with pictures of your fun times together. Many hoarders feel compelled to document their experiences or preserve their memories and sense of ownership with photos. If you can get them to collect digital photos instead of hard-copy prints, you are way ahead of the game.  
• Library card: Help your hoarder learn to love checking out books from the library rather than over-acquiring and filling their home.
• Educational classes or streaming services: Give the gift of knowledge. There are lots of great classes on Skillshare, or you can gift them a Gaia or CuriosityStream membership to watch documentaries and other fascinating programs.
• Your time and encouragement: Commit to spending X amount of time each week or month with them (on FaceTime, Zoom, or in person when safe to do so) to help go through their possessions, if your loved one has expressed a willingness to tackle their hoarding problem. Make it clear that they will make the decisions about their own possessions and that you will be there only as their cheerleader, coach, and an extra set of hands to do grunt work. Promise that you won’t remove items without their permission or boss them around. ONLY offer this if you are capable of delivering on it. If you will be too tempted to take over or berate them for their behavior, stick with the other gift suggestions above. If they’re doing well with the cleanup, you can help them upgrade their cleaning tools or get some items for organizing what they plan to keep. 
• Books to help them understand and deal with their hoarding behavior: As with the previous gift idea, these are most effective if your loved one has mentioned their desire to overcome their hoarding tendencies. Otherwise, the books might not be helpful or welcome.Buried in Treasures and The Hoarder in You have particularly useful and practical worksheets, lists, tips, and exercises to help your hoarder. The Life-changing Magic of Tidying Up is a best-seller for a reason, with easy-to-understand concepts and advice on how to purge excess items and organize your space. You can also skim through my list of other hoarding, organizing, and cleaning books.

Gift-giving Tips

• Wrap your gifts in recyclable materials. 

There’s a chance that your loved one may keep the wrapping paper, gift bag, or tissue paper anyway, but if it’s recyclable they might be able to let it go without feeling bad about it. If it’s not something that will go into a landfill, it helps alleviate the anxiety of discarding it. 

• Focus on experiences. 

Make happy memories with your loved one that have nothing to do with their hoard. By engaging in a healthy activity, they’re also less likely to find a bulky or expensive souvenir.

• Tailor the gift to your loved one’s personality and interests. 

If your family member is agoraphobic, they won’t be as apt to leave the house for an activity. That’s when you have to get creative and either bring the positive experience to them or find a soothing location (even if it’s out in their yard) where they can feel comfortable and still get out of their hoarded home for a while.  

• Help them get comfortable viewing gifts as experiences versus permanent keepsakes. 

As Marie Kondo writes in The Life-changing Magic of Tidying Up, “The true purpose of a present is to be received. Presents are not ‘things’ but a means for conveying someone’s feelings.” The simple act of receiving the gift fulfills its purpose. You aren’t obligated to keep it forever. If you don’t have space to keep the item or it’s just not your style, be thankful for the fact that someone cares about you enough to give you a gift, and express that thanks to the gift-giver. Then donate the item or pass it on with a grateful heart. 

Final Thoughts

If your friend or family member is dead set on keeping a memento, they’ll always find a way, whether it’s the box you sent the candy in or a seashell from the beach. Even so, it’s better than having a large object taking up space in an already overcrowded home and piling onto an already overwhelming problem. 

Do you have other gift ideas for the hoarder in your life? Please share them in the comments. 

Hope and joy and happy gift-giving, 

Rachel