What Do You Get the Woman Who Has Everything?

Holidays can be tricky for hoarders. There’s an emphasis on giving and receiving gifts, plus there’s an abundance of cards, colorful wrapping paper, and other trappings that are easy to sentimentalize and justify keeping. 

Holidays are also tricky for the friends and family of people with hoarding tendencies. After all, you may want to express your affection with gifts, as is traditional, but you don’t want to make an already bad situation worse.

Fortunately, there are some creative ways to give something special to your loved one without adding too much to their hoard. Take a look at the ideas below before you start your Black Friday shopping.

Gift Ideas

• Charitable donation in their name: Focus on the philanthropic nature of the holidays and give the gift of helping those who need it. Plus, your friend will get only a small certificate or piece of paper to acknowledge the donation, so you’re not adding a huge item to their hoard. 
• Volunteer together: It feels good to help others in need, and you can get your loved one out of their hoarded home. Also, by being compassionate towards others, your friend or family member can start learning to practice compassion for themselves. 
• Consumables like food or candy: As long as your friend is the type who’ll actually eat the food instead of hoarding it, this is a safe bet.
• Gift cards for movies or restaurants: Take them places where they’ll have an enjoyable experience but aren’t likely to find a tempting souvenir shop. 
• Tickets to a concert or play: Same as above. Limit their “souvenir allowance” to one item, like a concert t-shirt or a playbook.    
• Homemade coupon booklet of free or inexpensive things to do together: Weekly game night with the family, daily nature walk, 5 bear hugs, 1 fishing trip, etc. Have fun pasting in pictures and stickers or creating your own doodles to decorate the booklet.
• Gym membership or yoga class: Be their exercise buddy and get healthy together. Plenty of gyms and yoga studios offer affordable month-to-month memberships or small packages of classes to purchase, usually with a holiday or New Year’s discount.
• Spa gift certificate: A massage or mani/pedi can be a godsend for someone suffering from anxiety and stress, like many hoarders do. And you can be the great friend to go with them. 🙂
• Digital picture frame: Load it up with pictures of your fun times together. Many hoarders feel compelled to document their experiences or preserve their memories and sense of ownership with photos. If you can get them to collect digital photos instead of hard-copy prints, you are way ahead of the game.  
• Library card: Help your hoarder learn to love checking out books from the library rather than over-acquiring and filling their home.
• Educational classes: Give the gift of knowledge. Lots of communities have a learning annex or space that offers lectures and informational courses. 
• Your time and encouragement: Commit to spending X amount of time each week or month with them to help go through their possessions, if your loved one has expressed a willingness to tackle their hoarding problem. Make it clear that they will make the decisions about their own possessions and that you will be there only as their cheerleader, coach, and an extra set of hands to do grunt work. Promise that you won’t remove items without their permission or boss them around. ONLY offer this if you are capable of delivering on it. If you will be too tempted to take over or berate them for their behavior, stick with the other gift suggestions above. 
• Books to help them understand and deal with their hoarding behavior: As with the previous gift idea, these are most effective if your loved one has mentioned their desire to overcome their hoarding tendencies. Otherwise, the books might not be helpful or welcome. Buried in Treasures and The Hoarder in You have particularly useful and practical worksheets, lists, tips, and exercises to help your hoarder. The Life-changing Magic of Tidying Up is a best-seller for a reason, with easy-to-understand concepts and advice on how to purge excess items and organize your space. 

Gift-giving Tips

• Wrap your gifts in recyclable materials. 

There’s a chance that your loved one may keep the wrapping paper, gift bag, or tissue paper anyway, but if it’s recyclable they might be able to let it go without feeling bad about it. If it’s not something that will go into a landfill, it helps alleviate the anxiety of discarding it. 

• Focus on experiences. 

Make happy memories with your loved one that have nothing to do with their hoard. By taking them to an event or engaging in a healthy activity, they’re also less likely to find a bulky or expensive souvenir.

• Tailor the gift to your loved one’s personality and interests. 

If your family member is agoraphobic or gets anxious in crowds, they won’t be as apt to leave the house for an event. That’s when you have to get creative and either bring the positive experience to them or find a soothing location (even if it’s out in their yard) where they can feel at ease and still get out of their hoarded home for a while.  

• Help them get comfortable viewing gifts as experiences versus permanent keepsakes. 

As Marie Kondo writes in The Life-changing Magic of Tidying Up, “The true purpose of a present is to be received. Presents are not ‘things’ but a means for conveying someone’s feelings.” The simple act of receiving the gift fulfills its purpose. You aren’t obligated to keep it forever. If you don’t have space to keep the item or it’s not your style, be thankful for the fact that someone cares about you enough to give you a gift, and express your thanks to the gift-giver. Then donate the item or pass it on with a grateful heart. 

Final Thoughts

If your friend or family member is dead set on keeping a memento, they’ll always find a way, whether it’s the box you sent the candy in, a ticket from the movie you took them to see, or a seashell from the beach. Even so, it’s better than having a large object taking up space in an already overcrowded home and piling onto an already overwhelming problem. 

Do you have other gift ideas for the hoarder in your life? Please share them in the comments. 

Hope and joy and happy gift-giving, 

Rachel