Hello, friend. It’s been a while. Some of the delay in posting was due to my having way too much work to do with my day job, some of it was due to being sick, and the rest of it was due to trying to decide what would be the most useful topic to cover next.

When I created this blog, I set out to provide resources and practical tactics to help you deal with your hoard or your hoarding loved ones, and to share research and insight. But in conversations with my dear friend and wonderful coach Sanja Avramovic, I realized that it’s just as important to explain how I came to live this way myself, how I came to possess this knowledge. 

You see, I wasn’t born this way. It doesn’t come to me naturally. And I still have to work at it in my own imperfect way. 

Change Isn’t Easy, But It’s Possible

Perhaps sharing my struggle and my process to change my ways might help you, too. In turn, maybe it’ll make the pragmatic tips even more useful because you can be confident that, if a former hoarder like me can do it, you can as well. 

In this and other posts, I’m going to lay out the steps I took to be able to think this way. To reprogram my brain. To start living in a manner completely different from the one I embraced for decades and that many of my family members also shared and still do. To break free from the idea that it’s fated, that it’s hereditary and inescapable.  

My goal is to help you live the way you want to live, to feel that you have control over your possessions versus the other way around, and to know that you can apply this same process and mentality to other areas in your life. You don’t have to be a hoarder to put these steps and this philosophy to work in your life, though they can help with hoarding in particular. 

Let’s call it my “Things Can Be Different” way of life. 

My “Things Can Be Different” Process

Here’s a quick rundown of how Things Can Be Different. I’ll explore these in more detail in other posts, because it’s too much to cover in one sitting. This is the process you can use to take action on the philosophy.

• Believe that things can be different. Know that you deserve better. Write it down. Tell yourself this every day until you believe it.
• Start practicing mindfulness. Face your emotions head-on, and try to identify them the same way you would if you were a zoologist observing critters in the wild. No judgment, only interest.
• Identify your own triggers: Why do you buy or salvage things? Why do you keep them? What are your fantasies about how you’ll use them? Are you compelled to buy things on sale? Do you lose control at certain stores? Are you susceptible to buy when you’re feeling lonely/stressed/bored/sad/excited?   
• Practice being around objects in a new way. When I say practice, that means literally practicing. Set small goals and test yourself by being around objects without buying any. (Don’t take any money with you if you’re afraid you can’t resist at first.) Commit to waiting a certain amount of time before you purchase an item. Find a friend to be your accountability partner.
• Practice new ways of thinking about objects and ownership. How can you satisfy your emotional needs in ways that don’t involve purchasing or possessing items? Brainstorm some possibilities.
• Write about your feelings and experiences. Spend quiet time alone and think about what you’ve discovered about yourself. Appreciate the progress you’ve made.
• Envision all the positive ways in which your life will improve as you change your relationship to objects for the better.

Things Can Be Different for YOU 

After all of the self-help books, articles, TV shows, and storage container purchases, you know what made the biggest difference to me? 

Figuring out that I wanted shit to change.

Like, truly wanting things to be different. Convincing myself it could be different. And believing that I deserved for it to be different. 

The wise and wonderful Andrea Balt said something during her Creative Rehab program that has stuck with me:

“We question whether we’re allowed to want nice things, or even to dream or desire, but we never ask those questions about tragedy.” 

It’s true. At least it was for me, and I’ll wager that it might be the same for you. I never questioned my situation in life. It was simply something to adapt to, to deal with, and to “keep calm and carry on” through.

Forget that nonsense. 

I was finally sick of the frustration caused by the way I was living and knew I had to find a way to change.

Possessed by Possessions

I used to hang on to every old notebook full of college lecture scribbles, every piece of childhood art, every old poster or doll or article of clothing or old corsage. Everything was precious. How could I pretend that was the case? If something is precious, it doesn’t belong in a pile of stuff, forlorn and decaying.

In the last year, I’ve donated my wedding dress. Shredded my old diaries. Recycled those college notebooks. Sold clothes and items. Miraculously, considering my previous habits and feelings, I regret none of it. 

It took hard work to get to this point. It feels silly to say that when there are loads of people who do the same thing all the time and it’s as simple as breathing to them. It’s second nature. It’s plain ol’ common sense, right? Hardly something worthy of a blog post, much less special recognition. 

But when you’re operating from a hoarder brain, it is hard work. It doesn’t feel normal. Your brain screams that you’re being foolish, wasteful, reckless, a destroyer of untold worlds of possibility. 

Thankfully, you can tell that hoarder brain to shut the hell up. 

Do you have tips on how you’ve tackled your own hoard or dealt with hoarding tendencies? Please share them in the comments. And if you know someone who could be helped by this post, please share it with them.

Hope and joy,

Rachel