Hoards are composed of many things, including secrets. My family’s hoards were no exception. 

I haven’t posted in a long time. Mainly because I’m tired, y’all. It’s been exhausting to emotionally deal with the fallout from the shocking secrets that were hidden in the hoard.

Secrets Frozen in Time

It’s like a science article I once read about bacteria that were frozen in permafrost for thousands of years, only to thaw out and become deadly when a heat wave released them from their icy bedchamber.

Secrets that had been frozen in time were unwittingly defrosted and revealed.

When you don’t handle these things in life — either by being honest about them to your loved ones or else eliminating the evidence completely — they inevitably are going to rear their ugly heads. And you won’t be around to control, explain, or make amends for them.

I accidentally uncovered some secrets during the hoarding cleanup. Others made their own way to the surface, bubbling up through the deep sea of my memories when I finally stopped my body and mind from being in perpetual motion.

A couple of years ago, I started meditating daily, sometimes more than once a day. I get a huge relief from having some quiet time to center myself, slow my mental roll, and get focused. That’s invaluable when you’re dealing with a chaotic hoard or wrapping up a tricky estate.

But when I was finally giving my brain a rest from the endless to-do lists and frenzied activity, it had the space to start remembering. To dig up the facts, feelings, and memories that I’d tried to bury. I guess it was my own form of a brain hoard: Tuck it out of sight and keep on keepin’ on in order to survive.

Some of these memories were pleasant. Others were very dark indeed.

You Can’t Hide Evidence When You’re Dead

In another post, I mentioned the emotions that your family and friends could experience from being left to clean up your hoard.

I’ve learned the hard way that the aftermath of hoarding can include discovering information and items that people wanted to die with them. Bear in mind that I wasn’t trying to expose any secrets when I was cleaning. I deliberately avoided reading diaries or letters, because I wouldn’t want someone poking their nose into my beeswax that way after I’m gone. (And that’s why my shredder and I are best buds.)

But the secrets were in-your-face unavoidable. And their discovery was 100% preventable.

When you don’t handle these things in life — either by being honest about them to your loved ones or else eliminating any evidence completely — they inevitably are going to rear their ugly heads. And you won’t be around to control, explain, or make amends for them.

Time for Swedish Death Cleaning

You never know when it’s your time to go, so you shouldn’t procrastinate just because you wrongly think you’re too young to croak.

It’s time for you to practice The Gentle Art of Swedish Death Cleaning. As the author Margareta Magnusson writes, “If you think the secret will cause your loved ones harm or unhappiness, then make sure to destroy them. Make a bonfire or shove them into the hungry shredder.”

F’ing Meditation

Yep. “F@*king meditation!” That’s what I hollered out one day as I went from sobbing uncontrollably to laughing hysterically.

I felt like a Scooby-Doo villain: “If it weren’t for those rascally kids….” It was my joke to blame the messenger (i.e., my daily meditation ritual) for the ugly secrets that came out after the hoarding cleanup.

But it was their time to be dealt with. That mental hoard needed its own cleanup, its own exposure, revelation, and purging of things that no longer serve me. The related emotions had to be dealt with at some point or they were going to explode in the form of illness, addiction, or some other self-destructive behavior.

Self-care Is Mandatory

So that’s why I slowed down and got help from a great therapist, trusted friends, and spiritual mentors. I still struggle with days when those ugly secrets feel like a punch in the gut, but I can make it through those days by tapping into my self-care toolkit (love, rest, exercise, nature, good food) and remembering that emotions are temporary.

If you’re going through something similar or haven’t had a chance yet to focus on healing the emotional aftermath of cleaning up after the hoarder in your life (even if it’s you), I urge you to be as loving and kind to yourself as possible.

Please get help from whomever you need to as you make your way out of the darkness and towards the light. My Hoarding & Mental Health Resources page has links to organizations and other information that can help.

Cut yourself some slack. This is hard work in every sense. But you can do this.

Hope and joy,

Rachel